Several seemingly unrelated events:
Scene: San Bernandino Mountains, Summer 2004. Liz Thomson counsels campers at Arrowbear Music Camp. There she meets an amazing girl named Celeste, who reminds her so much of herself. Celeste is a clarinetist like Liz. They get along fabulously.
Scene: Huntington Beach, 2008. Liz and Celeste get together to play duets. Nerdy, but lots of fun. Liz adds Celeste's number to her new phone.
Scene: Huntington Beach, March 3, 2009. Liz's phone breaks.
Scene: Huntington Beach, March 4, 2009. Liz gets a text message from an unknown number about a UCI concert happening the following week. She saves the message, assuming it's from Celeste.
Scene: 405 Freeway, March 6, 2009. Liz calls her brother, who is super super stressed out about all his first-year teacher duties. He needs, among other things, a clarinet player to help out his high schoolers with their production of Fiddler on the Roof. Liz offers to help, but can't make the big rehearsals. She is concerned, and at a loss as to what to do to help Dan.
Scene: 22 Freeway, March 6, 2009. Liz realizes that she could ask Celeste to do it. After multiple texts to Dan and a phone call to Celeste, Liz secures a clarinet player for Dan's musical. The rehearsals and performances "just happen" to fit in with Celeste's finals schedule. Dan is elated. Liz feels good for helping.
All these things? Knowing Celeste, the phone dying, me receiving a text from Celeste with her number, Dan needing a clarinetist, Celeste being willing to do it and it working around her finals schedule? That's God.
Thanks, God.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
A new church in the summer
Today I went with my friend Angela and her brother Ed to Rock Harbor, a daughter church of my main place of worship, Mariners. I have been going to Mariners for a little over 3 years now. It is the first church of which I have been a member. It is the first church where I actually knew the pastor (my awesome mentor, Justin). Needless to say, I was a little nervous about going to Rock Harbor. I had been before with my friend Becky (on a very hard day for me), and I liked it. But I felt this was a big step. This was me saying, perhaps, that it is time for a new place of worship. It is time to try out somewhere else.
But when I got there, everything was fine. Worship was good, Mike Erre gave a great message on 1 Corinthians 5. I was convicted, I was moved, I learned a lot. And while I was there, I heard God say, "There is healing here."
Now we all need healing. But healing for me is crucial right now - it is what I am focusing on in my life. So, it looks like I've found a new place to go to church. Not that I won't go back to Mariners - I still want to take their Intro to Theology class in April. And who knows where I'll end up in 5 years, right? It seems that right now, though, God wants me at Rock Harbor.
In other news...my brain feels less full.
See, during the summer, I always relish the fact that my brain is less full. I am not working (unless I'm doing my masters, like last summer), so I have lots more time (and brain space) to think about other things. Deeper things. Two summers ago I pondered and discovered my lie. My basic belief about my brain and work is that I don't have enough time to do really deep thinking while I'm working. It's just too much.
Lately, however, I have had more time. I have more time to see friends, I have more time to be by myself. It is the first time in a while that I am actually resting. And today, it felt like summer. (Maybe it was the beautiful weather, but I don't think that's just it.) I had time and space to think deep thoughts, and still get my work for school done. It is a glorious feeling.
Is that how I'm supposed to feel all the time? Man, I was WAY too busy.
But when I got there, everything was fine. Worship was good, Mike Erre gave a great message on 1 Corinthians 5. I was convicted, I was moved, I learned a lot. And while I was there, I heard God say, "There is healing here."
Now we all need healing. But healing for me is crucial right now - it is what I am focusing on in my life. So, it looks like I've found a new place to go to church. Not that I won't go back to Mariners - I still want to take their Intro to Theology class in April. And who knows where I'll end up in 5 years, right? It seems that right now, though, God wants me at Rock Harbor.
In other news...my brain feels less full.
See, during the summer, I always relish the fact that my brain is less full. I am not working (unless I'm doing my masters, like last summer), so I have lots more time (and brain space) to think about other things. Deeper things. Two summers ago I pondered and discovered my lie. My basic belief about my brain and work is that I don't have enough time to do really deep thinking while I'm working. It's just too much.
Lately, however, I have had more time. I have more time to see friends, I have more time to be by myself. It is the first time in a while that I am actually resting. And today, it felt like summer. (Maybe it was the beautiful weather, but I don't think that's just it.) I had time and space to think deep thoughts, and still get my work for school done. It is a glorious feeling.
Is that how I'm supposed to feel all the time? Man, I was WAY too busy.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Who do You say that I am?
A famous quote, said by Jesus to the disciples. Peter, in one of his greatest moments recorded in the Bible, responds "You are the Christ, the Son of God." Jesus praises him for this, and tells him that this fact was revealed to Peter divinely - not just through his own wisdom.
But how many of us ask this question of God? How many of us ask God, "Lord, who am I? Who do You say that I am?"
In light of many recent events in my life, I am once again pondering who I am. I am doing a lot of introspection (not that I don't do this a lot normally, haha), and really trying to let God speak into my life. I am tired of other people telling me who I am, what I should be doing, what I shouldn't be doing, whatever. I am tired of not having my own opinions - and of not valuing the opinions I do have.
Some encourage me to jump right into some activity or some other thing to keep myself busy. I understand that. But part of me feels that I should use this time to sit, and let myself breathe. To really focus, and let God talk to me. I don't need to rush out and meet new people right away. I think it would be better for me to be comfortable with myself. Even if that means allowing myself to feel pain - pain that should have been processed months, years ago.
It is a difficult journey that I have been on for several years. I know God is with me every step of the way. That, I think, is my favorite aspect of God. I praise Him for that. And I hold to Him tightly - every moment.
But how many of us ask this question of God? How many of us ask God, "Lord, who am I? Who do You say that I am?"
In light of many recent events in my life, I am once again pondering who I am. I am doing a lot of introspection (not that I don't do this a lot normally, haha), and really trying to let God speak into my life. I am tired of other people telling me who I am, what I should be doing, what I shouldn't be doing, whatever. I am tired of not having my own opinions - and of not valuing the opinions I do have.
Some encourage me to jump right into some activity or some other thing to keep myself busy. I understand that. But part of me feels that I should use this time to sit, and let myself breathe. To really focus, and let God talk to me. I don't need to rush out and meet new people right away. I think it would be better for me to be comfortable with myself. Even if that means allowing myself to feel pain - pain that should have been processed months, years ago.
It is a difficult journey that I have been on for several years. I know God is with me every step of the way. That, I think, is my favorite aspect of God. I praise Him for that. And I hold to Him tightly - every moment.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Waiting, and feeling more cheerful about it
(so I couldn't come up with a more creative title. Sue me.) :)
I was reading John Eldredge's latest book, Walking with God, which focuses on how to hear God's voice more daily. One of his "tips" is to ask God simple questions - questions that are not all tied up in emotions, like, "Should I take this job?" That way, we are not filtering God out or preventing him from speaking because we have strong feelings about the subject.
Eldredge recommends asking God what to read in His Word every day. He said it gives your quiet time more resonance, because the chapters you read very often speak to what you're going through or what you will be going through. (I'm not explaining this very well, but hopefully you're getting the gist.)
So I decided to try it out. And it works! Pretty much every day, I have heard God tell me what to read. Sometimes, it doesn't apply. But more often than not (like 7 out of 10 times), it totally does.
Here are some of the verses that have jumped out at me recently. God has been directing me to the Psalms.
"Be still, and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10
"I waited patiently for the Lord, and He inclined to me, and heard my cry." -Psalm 40:1 (that one was cool - I heard God say "Psalms" but not which one. But when I opened my Bible, it went right to this passage, and my eyes jumped to it.)
"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord!" -Psalm 27:14
Noticing a pattern? Yeah, me too. And today, I really felt peace with the waiting. If you read my last post, you know I was struggling with this. I'd be lying if I said I was totally okay right now. But, I do have a sense of peace that feels divine - it is DEFINITELY not from me. Especially not from me, considering how insane my mind has been lately! I have not felt peace like this since I made the major decision to break up with my ex-boyfriend, 4 years ago.
It should be very interesting to see what I am waiting for. God knows. I will wait for Him - and keep listening to His voice.
I was reading John Eldredge's latest book, Walking with God, which focuses on how to hear God's voice more daily. One of his "tips" is to ask God simple questions - questions that are not all tied up in emotions, like, "Should I take this job?" That way, we are not filtering God out or preventing him from speaking because we have strong feelings about the subject.
Eldredge recommends asking God what to read in His Word every day. He said it gives your quiet time more resonance, because the chapters you read very often speak to what you're going through or what you will be going through. (I'm not explaining this very well, but hopefully you're getting the gist.)
So I decided to try it out. And it works! Pretty much every day, I have heard God tell me what to read. Sometimes, it doesn't apply. But more often than not (like 7 out of 10 times), it totally does.
Here are some of the verses that have jumped out at me recently. God has been directing me to the Psalms.
"Be still, and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10
"I waited patiently for the Lord, and He inclined to me, and heard my cry." -Psalm 40:1 (that one was cool - I heard God say "Psalms" but not which one. But when I opened my Bible, it went right to this passage, and my eyes jumped to it.)
"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord!" -Psalm 27:14
Noticing a pattern? Yeah, me too. And today, I really felt peace with the waiting. If you read my last post, you know I was struggling with this. I'd be lying if I said I was totally okay right now. But, I do have a sense of peace that feels divine - it is DEFINITELY not from me. Especially not from me, considering how insane my mind has been lately! I have not felt peace like this since I made the major decision to break up with my ex-boyfriend, 4 years ago.
It should be very interesting to see what I am waiting for. God knows. I will wait for Him - and keep listening to His voice.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Be Still?
Lately, God has been telling me to stop worrying so much. "Be still, and know that I am God." This has been reinforced by Kenton's messages the last two weeks (watch them online at www.marinerschurch.org), not to mention my own discussions with friends.
The problem? I don't really know how to be still. A few years ago, a good friend of mine called me a "Cannonball." Basically, I jump into things wholeheartedly, I fully commit, I don't do things halfway. I have NEVER done things halfway. Church, job, relationships, exercise, eating healthy (or not eating healthy...I down plates of brownies pretty easily) - they all receive the full commitment from Liz.
But what if I'm not supposed to do that? What if the other elements of what I'm diving into are not responding in a like manner? How do I respond to that? Lower my expectations for said thing? Give only what I'm getting? It sounds good, but also not so good. Especially for this cannonball. How do I cannonball halfway? Do I wade into the water? That's lame.
Plus the whole be still thing. I am a champion worrier. I love (hate) to explore all the options of what might happen in my head, running around and around until I am almost paralyzed with anxiety. How do I stop this? I'm not really sure.
God tells me not to worry. "Does this mean, don't worry about it because You're going to fix it, or because it won't matter soon 'cause it's going to end anyway?"
Sigh...
The problem? I don't really know how to be still. A few years ago, a good friend of mine called me a "Cannonball." Basically, I jump into things wholeheartedly, I fully commit, I don't do things halfway. I have NEVER done things halfway. Church, job, relationships, exercise, eating healthy (or not eating healthy...I down plates of brownies pretty easily) - they all receive the full commitment from Liz.
But what if I'm not supposed to do that? What if the other elements of what I'm diving into are not responding in a like manner? How do I respond to that? Lower my expectations for said thing? Give only what I'm getting? It sounds good, but also not so good. Especially for this cannonball. How do I cannonball halfway? Do I wade into the water? That's lame.
Plus the whole be still thing. I am a champion worrier. I love (hate) to explore all the options of what might happen in my head, running around and around until I am almost paralyzed with anxiety. How do I stop this? I'm not really sure.
God tells me not to worry. "Does this mean, don't worry about it because You're going to fix it, or because it won't matter soon 'cause it's going to end anyway?"
Sigh...
Monday, January 19, 2009
An addiction?
Wow, two posts in one day! I must have had the day off...
I have noticed recently that I love self-help books. Not the really crazy kinds, you know, "Eat your way to losing weight" or...I don't know, I can't come up with any more titles. Anyway, I love them. I read them voraciously. I have a lot of them.
Most of them are by Christian authors, and I do believe that they are meant to help us. But when we turn to them for answers, rather than the Bible or to God, are they really helping us? Just this evening, my friend was going to loan me a book that had some advice I wanted to get. But I left it at her house, accidentally. I was really upset about this - more upset than I should have been. I mean, it's just a person, right? Do they really know that much more than I do about this particular topic? (They probably do, but whatever...)
It's just something I'm noticing in my life lately. I need to remember that it is God, and His Word, that should guide my life. Not a random book that may or may not help me.
I have noticed recently that I love self-help books. Not the really crazy kinds, you know, "Eat your way to losing weight" or...I don't know, I can't come up with any more titles. Anyway, I love them. I read them voraciously. I have a lot of them.
Most of them are by Christian authors, and I do believe that they are meant to help us. But when we turn to them for answers, rather than the Bible or to God, are they really helping us? Just this evening, my friend was going to loan me a book that had some advice I wanted to get. But I left it at her house, accidentally. I was really upset about this - more upset than I should have been. I mean, it's just a person, right? Do they really know that much more than I do about this particular topic? (They probably do, but whatever...)
It's just something I'm noticing in my life lately. I need to remember that it is God, and His Word, that should guide my life. Not a random book that may or may not help me.
And, thus ends...
...my latest cycle of weddings.
My first cycle of weddings was right after college. Gene and Collette, Elizabeth and Barek, Alan and Monica, Tiffany and Ben, Jen and Stephen, Katie and Kolton. Bam bam bam! So many weddings all at once!
Then, a lull...for a couple of years.
Then, Ty and Jessica's (November 07).
Then, the next round, this year: Holli and Huy (May), Nate and Lindsay (August), Michael and Julianne (October), Phil and Kirsten (November) Jacky and Jon (also November, and I didn't go, I am a bad friend... :( ), Doreen and Roland (November), and yesterday, Adam and Dani.
Phew! It's been rather intense.
I love weddings, actually. The romance, the excitement. All the showers and the gifts and the laughter with girls (and guys) you love. Lots of dancing, lots of great food. Lots of meaningful reminders of why God created marriage and what marriage means today. It is a powerful thing.
I also got to bring a date to a wedding this year - twice! For the first time! That was a new experience. I liked it, actually. :) Heeheehee...
So. Done. For a bit. Although I heard a rumor that a friend may be asking soon...plus I have several friends in serious relationships. I'm sure it'll start up again in a bit - and I will love every minute of it!
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