Big thoughts on education and life

Grad school is supposed to stretch me - right? That's what they said when I came out in February and checked out the school. I'm supposed to be challenged in my pedagogy and my teaching, and go back in September with new ideas and ways to teach. Okay, I said. Will do.

Well, it started today! But first, some background information...

My main school that I teach at is called Tincher Preparatory School in Long Beach. Right now, the schedule is NOT conducive to building a big program. It is actually better than it used to be, but it's still bad. I only see my students every other day for an hour at a time (middle school, that is - elementary is another can of worms).

Of course, as in every area, there are some horrible programs. (mine is not one of them, yay!) There are some so-so or okay programs (I'm probably here). And there are some great programs with huge numbers of students signed up and eager to participate in music. My problem is that I tend to look at these big programs and feel that I am failing because I don't have those numbers. Never mind that my school is smaller, and my schedule works against me. I am a failure because I can't measure up.
Well, today in class, we had a pedagogy discussion that addressed this topic. We were talking about how music teachers tend to teach their students the way they were taught. For example, if you had a director who focused on winning trophies - that was the most important thing - that's what you'll probably do too. (This actually applies to other teachers, and indeed to most people. How many people claim that they won't do this or that to their kids, and then do that same thing?)

The challenge was - are you willing to change the way you teach, even if it goes against the grain of what and how you learned? Are you willing to adjust to teach things that are more relevant to the kids, in order to make music more successful? Are you willing to sacrifice teaching "classical" music all the time, if it means that kids may get more excited about music in general?

At first, this talk freaked me out. Change does that. I get freaked out. But then I started thinking - what if? What if I decide to stop comparing myself to those big programs, and instead try new things with my students? What if I try new things that I am not comfortable with? What could happen? I could fail, true. But I could also open new doors for my students - doors that they may never go through on their own.
Do you see how exciting this is? It opens up big issues for me. It even brings up lies that I might be believing about myself as a musician. For example:

-I am not a jazz musician.
-Jazz musicians are born, not made. (i.e. you can't "become" a jazz musician.)
-It is easiest and best to keep going with how you've done things before.

LIES! NO! This is big stuff, people. I am excited - and challenged - by this.

In short, it is nice to be stretched as a musician and as a teacher. It is something I haven't experienced.