It seems to me that for the past 2 years, I have been on a constant journey of major change, self-reflection, and growth.
It all began with joining the Core team for Fuel in January 2007. (2 years ago!!! Wow!) That was intense, as I felt sort of like I had been thrown into this huge machine where there were all these moving parts. I spent the first 6 months just trying to figure out how everything worked. It was crazy, but I slowly began to get the hang of it.
Then we did the Lies and Truths series in Fuel. This involved each Core leader getting up in front of the group (of about 100) and talking about the main lie that the devil tells him or her. This may sound rather out-there, but it's true - the devil does tell us lies all the time. Everything from "you're fat" to "you're bad at your job" to "you're worthless" - I'm sure we've all heard those voices in our heads. They sound like our own voice. But they're not. Check your mind sometime - I bet you'll be surprised at how much Satan tries to get you to believe.
Anyway, I had to confront what my big lie was. Actually, first I had to FIND the lie. That involved about 2 months of soul-searching. When I did find it, it was a HUGE relief, and a huge spiritual high. I felt good for about 4 months straight! :)
(oh, by the way, I also completed the book Spiritual Growth, which introduced the concept of truth and lies to me, during these past 2.5 years. That was a 9 month study with a group of women. Again, huge big steps for me.)
Then, New Orleans. That was a big turning point for me as well, as I realized that I did not have it all together and that I couldn't fix everything. I've had lots of serious talks with various people, who have really been helping me work through those issues.
Now something else has popped up. It's interesting to me, because I am a "helps" person. That is my spiritual gift - "helps." It means that I will do whatever needs to get done in order to help the greater cause. I'm not necessarily an idea person, or a dynamic leader (although I have grown in that capacity since being on Core). But I love serving others.
The reason this is interesting to me is because God has had me on this 2, 2.5 year journey of SELF-discovery. Who would I rather be serving and working on? That's right, others. I do NOT want to be working on myself. To be honest, I feel like I'm hindering others by focusing on myself and my own needs. I've had to say no to things that seemed like they could really use me. (That sounds egotistical, but I don't mean it to be. I just mean I would love to help others with whatever they're doing, be it small groups, junior high ministry, whatever.) But no, God wants me to focus on myself. To be honest, I can't wait to be done with this time of self-growth, so I can go back to focusing on others and ignoring me.
But somehow, I have a feeling that's not going to happen anytime soon.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Liz gets sick
Hey all,
I haven't posted for a while, but whatever...life has been busy. Most recently, I got sick (Tuesday evening). Getting sick is a great experience for me. I have allergies, so most of the time, I get a cold, which turns into a sinus infection. This invariably results in a doctor's appointment where I have to twist their arm to give me antibiotics. Good times. I know all the right things to say. And I know myself best, right? I don't care that it's viral and antibiotics won't work (or whatever they say, I never remember) - just give me the drugs, and I won't die from an inability to breathe.
An interesting side effect of Liz getting sick is that Liz loses her voice. It happens to my dad too - he sounds like Barry White. I personally sound like a phone sex operator. Sweet. It makes teaching a joy. Friday I got to whisper all day long. It is really hard to get kids to hear you when they are playing band instruments! :)
Whatever. It's early in the year to get sick, but I'll get over it. I can still function. It does make hanging out with certain people more difficult however...
Hope YOU'RE all doing well, and aren't sick from me...
I haven't posted for a while, but whatever...life has been busy. Most recently, I got sick (Tuesday evening). Getting sick is a great experience for me. I have allergies, so most of the time, I get a cold, which turns into a sinus infection. This invariably results in a doctor's appointment where I have to twist their arm to give me antibiotics. Good times. I know all the right things to say. And I know myself best, right? I don't care that it's viral and antibiotics won't work (or whatever they say, I never remember) - just give me the drugs, and I won't die from an inability to breathe.
An interesting side effect of Liz getting sick is that Liz loses her voice. It happens to my dad too - he sounds like Barry White. I personally sound like a phone sex operator. Sweet. It makes teaching a joy. Friday I got to whisper all day long. It is really hard to get kids to hear you when they are playing band instruments! :)
Whatever. It's early in the year to get sick, but I'll get over it. I can still function. It does make hanging out with certain people more difficult however...
Hope YOU'RE all doing well, and aren't sick from me...
Saturday, September 13, 2008
More Girl Meets God
Another quote from this book - if you haven't read it, go and do so right now!
(on her friend's conversion to Christianity) "Her husband was worried and upset, scared that she would turn into some person he couldn't know or understand, scared that she would become a caricature, a small-minded, fire-breathing, Scripture-spouting crazy person. A few years after her conversion, he looked up at her and said, 'You know, hon, you really haven't changed all that much.' It was true in some ways...but her husband's comment also spoke volumes about their marriage...Lil's husband could not see that...what was most basic to her - why she got up in the morning, how she saw the world, what she did with her sadness - was all different, utterly.
"Sometimes I imagine that my father sees conversoin the way Lil's husband does. I imagine he looks at me, several years into Christianity, and sees that I have not really changed that much. I am still a pointy-headed academic. I still work hard. I'm still boy-crazy and I still spend too much money on long-distance phone calls. I still would rather read than watch TV, go to the theather, or travel...I imagine he must see all those similarities, and be comforted that he has not, really, lost his daughter to Christ. And I feel sad, because that very comfort is the proof of just how much has been lost." (pg. 109-110)
Yes. Not having had a dramatic conversion (I was not a coke-addict, or a prostitute, or anything like that), I feel like my witness is somewhat weaker, at least in terms of my family. They don't see a huge difference because I'm still just as goofy, still school-oriented, still liking to read and listen to music. But they don't see the true difference, and I can't explain it to them. They don't get it.
Someday, God and I are going to have a long conversation about this in heaven. I trust His plan, but yeah. Long conversation.
(on her friend's conversion to Christianity) "Her husband was worried and upset, scared that she would turn into some person he couldn't know or understand, scared that she would become a caricature, a small-minded, fire-breathing, Scripture-spouting crazy person. A few years after her conversion, he looked up at her and said, 'You know, hon, you really haven't changed all that much.' It was true in some ways...but her husband's comment also spoke volumes about their marriage...Lil's husband could not see that...what was most basic to her - why she got up in the morning, how she saw the world, what she did with her sadness - was all different, utterly.
"Sometimes I imagine that my father sees conversoin the way Lil's husband does. I imagine he looks at me, several years into Christianity, and sees that I have not really changed that much. I am still a pointy-headed academic. I still work hard. I'm still boy-crazy and I still spend too much money on long-distance phone calls. I still would rather read than watch TV, go to the theather, or travel...I imagine he must see all those similarities, and be comforted that he has not, really, lost his daughter to Christ. And I feel sad, because that very comfort is the proof of just how much has been lost." (pg. 109-110)
Yes. Not having had a dramatic conversion (I was not a coke-addict, or a prostitute, or anything like that), I feel like my witness is somewhat weaker, at least in terms of my family. They don't see a huge difference because I'm still just as goofy, still school-oriented, still liking to read and listen to music. But they don't see the true difference, and I can't explain it to them. They don't get it.
Someday, God and I are going to have a long conversation about this in heaven. I trust His plan, but yeah. Long conversation.
Politics
From Girl Meets God, by Lauren F. Winner (thanks Angela!)
(about people asking her whether she is a an evangelical) "...Theogically, I am right in line with the evangelical mainstream, but what people want to know when they ask me whether or not I'm an evangelical is rarely theology. What they want to know if whether I vote for Pat Robertson, listen to Amy Grant, and believe the Earth is only five thousand years old. In fact, I've never voted for Pat Robertson, I prefer Mary Chapin Carpenter, and I think Darwin might have been on to something." (pg. 105)
Interesting, isn't it, how people (Christian or not) assume that you are a conservative if you are a Christian. This is a seriously touchy issue for me. I don't believe abortion is okay. I am all for family values. But I also am pro-education (duh, teacher), and I'm against war. Where the heck do I sit in the political craziness? I don't really like to talk about politics for this reason. What's even funnier is that I don't like to talk about it at all - even with Christians, who supposedly would share my views. But most of the time I get annoyed by lectures about terrorism. Do I know what's going on with Iraq, or what's best for it? No, of course not.
I guess I'm just saying that I don't like how we as Christians feel the need to identify with one political party, blanketly, with no question about the direct issues involved.
You may or may not agree with me. That's okay - I'm not working and living to please everyone on this planet.
(about people asking her whether she is a an evangelical) "...Theogically, I am right in line with the evangelical mainstream, but what people want to know when they ask me whether or not I'm an evangelical is rarely theology. What they want to know if whether I vote for Pat Robertson, listen to Amy Grant, and believe the Earth is only five thousand years old. In fact, I've never voted for Pat Robertson, I prefer Mary Chapin Carpenter, and I think Darwin might have been on to something." (pg. 105)
Interesting, isn't it, how people (Christian or not) assume that you are a conservative if you are a Christian. This is a seriously touchy issue for me. I don't believe abortion is okay. I am all for family values. But I also am pro-education (duh, teacher), and I'm against war. Where the heck do I sit in the political craziness? I don't really like to talk about politics for this reason. What's even funnier is that I don't like to talk about it at all - even with Christians, who supposedly would share my views. But most of the time I get annoyed by lectures about terrorism. Do I know what's going on with Iraq, or what's best for it? No, of course not.
I guess I'm just saying that I don't like how we as Christians feel the need to identify with one political party, blanketly, with no question about the direct issues involved.
You may or may not agree with me. That's okay - I'm not working and living to please everyone on this planet.
Monday, September 1, 2008
School's Starting!
So, this is my fourth year of teaching. And for the first time, I am actually excited about starting to teach.
Is that weird? Does it concern you that I was teaching the past three years while NOT wanting to be there? Are you worried that I corrupted America's youth.
Well, I probably did corrupt them.
But!
It is simply how teaching works. We don't have a nice apprenticeship program. Student teaching is a joke - you're not really the teacher, and the students know that. It's stupid, really. Your real experience starts when you have your own class, and then it's panic mode. For a while.
But now, 4 years in, I'm excited! I'm ready to try new things that I learned while in Michigan, I'm ready to see all those adorable students again. Of course, it probably helps that some of the more annoying ones (aka the 8th graders) are gone. Now this year's class of 8th graders has a chance to get really annoying! Yay!
Anyway, I'm sure I'll keep posting about all my adventures. Maybe I'll share stories about cockroaches, or crying students, or really awesome gifts I get or something. Sound fun? Maybe? Who knows.
Here we go - 4th year!!!
Is that weird? Does it concern you that I was teaching the past three years while NOT wanting to be there? Are you worried that I corrupted America's youth.
Well, I probably did corrupt them.
But!
It is simply how teaching works. We don't have a nice apprenticeship program. Student teaching is a joke - you're not really the teacher, and the students know that. It's stupid, really. Your real experience starts when you have your own class, and then it's panic mode. For a while.
But now, 4 years in, I'm excited! I'm ready to try new things that I learned while in Michigan, I'm ready to see all those adorable students again. Of course, it probably helps that some of the more annoying ones (aka the 8th graders) are gone. Now this year's class of 8th graders has a chance to get really annoying! Yay!
Anyway, I'm sure I'll keep posting about all my adventures. Maybe I'll share stories about cockroaches, or crying students, or really awesome gifts I get or something. Sound fun? Maybe? Who knows.
Here we go - 4th year!!!
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